Day 14: Redesign Your Day, Designing for Life

So it occurred to me that I could use a little more planning and self-direction in order to pull myself out of the rut I am in. Granted, I know a lot of the things I have to do, I just procrastinate and then wring my hands right up to the minute of reckoning. Obviously not a sustainable way of handling things. Part of it, I know is the inherent panic that wells up when confronting the amount of money I owe various entities, and the sadness of my small paycheck, the feeling of being very stuck and unable to see a constructive solution. It even costs money to save money, apparently!

The day was a bit of a rollercoaster. It was my first day back to worksince my surgery, and I felt determined to not let things stress me out, since I am still on pain meds and am weakened from not being able to eat my regular caloric count. I hit it fast in terms of sticking to my time goals, and started making calls whenever I had a moment. Of course, I have been fighting the urge to just flat out resign since being off this past week. In the beginning of July, I heard a voice in my head that said this Happy Black Woman may just walk away from this deadend gig by the end of the summer if I really succeed with these daily challenges. It's like I know that the only sensible end solution for this journey is to totally face my fear of perpetual unemployment in order to save my creative and innovative soul!

I must really pat myself on the shoulder today. I worked on developing a clearer vision for my objectives, and decided that any time I am online should be in pursuit of order in my life, whether that is through innovative ideas, concentrated job searching or self-education. I may be embarking on my greatest challenge yet- investing with faith.  There is a former schoolmate from my high school major class who is an emerging fashion designer. She just earned a spot in NYC's next Fashion Week in September, and I am determined to be there to document, through journalism, photography and any other way that I can, her rise to recognition. I feel very giddily ambitious about this for some reason. Her fashion style is mesmerizing and refreshing, not only because she develops from a Muslim modesty background, but that it effortlessly transcends just that world and legitimately appeals to a wider audience, with the grace and confidence as it were always just so.  Invigorating! I think I want to be a sponsor for her, which is a daunting task, figuring out how to raise $1500 in two months or less, but I must find a way! 

My resolve to redesign my day starts with getting my ass to bed by 11:30 latest, and getting up by 6:30 or whenever my body says ari:se earlier (like my 5:45 Freaky Friday)! I will also put more effort into planning out my outfits and packing my purse the night before. If possible, I will even put some lunch away tonight. I have found that setting a purpose in my head as I lay down to sleep gives me a kind of dreaming agenda that usually stays with me until the morning, a vital aspect of keeping me on point. I will still allow myself an hour or so of mindless reading or watching, but I will definitely keep that in check with the undercurrent of urgency that I won't let myself deny anymore.