Saturday, April 29, 2017

WITS17: Midwestern Mastery


I took the Milwaukee public transit bus to and from the airport on both ends of my trip. It was a little tricky because I over-packed a bit and also had my heavy laptop case to maneuver with, but it cost me a total of $8.25. I wondered how many attendees for the Women In Travel conference knew that there was a public bus-stop directly across from the Hilton where many of us stayed and attended the summit. After a whirlwind five days of tours and networking it felt really strange, in an isolating but also introspective way, to be standing there Sunday morning, by myself for a good 20 minutes or so.


Inviting magic: curate space in your life for receptivity. Wherever you go, there you are .

Post-Yoga Enlightenment
There was a woman that arrived at the bus stop after me. We squinted at each other in the mid-morning sun and took turns silently looking in the direction the bus was coming from. She struck up a conversation with a compliment on my hat and appearance, asking me if I was visiting or going to school. I know that I look younger than my years to a lot of people, and to others, I have heard the compliments for my alleged fashion sense. Nonetheless, it was funny to admit that I was traveling alone and several years beyond my Master's Degree. Our chat was so engaging that I never got her name, but I could not help but to tell her that she reminded me of my mother, in skin tone and appearance, and her humbly conversational manner of speaking.

We connected on many levels as it pertained to upbringing and family dynamics. And as I explained to her why I was in her city and what it meant for me to get to Milwaukee and participate in the conference, something crystallized in my mind. She said to me at one point, "I've always wanted to go to Australia, but I don't even know how that would happen now."  I shared with her how I had the same desire at ten years old, and through many fortunate events and leaps of faith, I did in fact get there at age 20, and lived and traveled there for three months. I had an epiphany: I can cater my thoughts in this blog, my voice and advocacy efforts towards creating an inviting and safe space for those that may feel stuck where they are, and that travel is out of reach for them, whether due to perceived distance, or cost, or unfamiliarity with modes of transportation.

Most of my time in Milwaukee was focused on the mantra of having space for divine feminine qualities as writers and travelers. The Women In Travel Summit (WITS) is now my annual thing that I do. I am in my third consecutive year, and was grateful to be included as a volunteer at the conference this year. It has always recharged me and helped me to refocus on my writing and goals as a socially-conscious journeywoman. The added bonus this year was witnessing the increased participation and leadership of women of color, as critiquing panelists, dynamic host committee members, and autonomous thought leaders of the travel industry.

I have met many gracious and sincere people on this first extended trip to the Midwest. That means a lot to me, as a woman who grew up in a large northern metropolis. We sometimes feel, in New York, that we have everything, and never need to leave, because we are so often the destination for others, whether permanently or passing through. But what I learned during this trip was that there are many things still to be shared and gained from leaving familiar borders. And, most endearingly, even a landlocked state like Wisconsin reveals artistic mystery and a deep water-focused perspective that allows for a unique consciousness on science development, environmental conservation, and other values that I can identify with as a New York State resident. I can enjoy Milwaukee's distinct heritage and location while sharing and supporting similar goals for the bigger picture.
The first of many river walks

Finding unique traits and offerings to share with others.

One of the most poignant statements that still rattles around my head came from a panel discussion dealing with "purpose-driven travel", described as reaching beyond voluntourism and ecotravelling. To make tourism a force for good, build local capacity; visit urban areas and support local businesses at your destination. You don't necessarily need to hear a different language or get on a plane to experience another culture.

I knew that something special about Milwaukee was the nonprofit sustainable agriculture initiative founded by former NBA player Will Allen, Growing Power. I had read about this organization in regular emails for years, never dreaming that it would be so easy to go and visit. Because I have a personal as well as public interest in learning from and advocating for more green spaces for under-served communities and functional access to healthy food, I knew that I had to speak up about my interest in getting to this site. I mentioned my desire to Visit Milwaukee's Executive Assistant and Communications Manager Margaret Casey, and she arranged a tour and drove me out there herself. Amazing! This visit was the highlight of my trip. All in all, I have met some true masters of many crafts here in Milwaukee: farming and gardening, hospitality, visual arts, cheese and beer!

Milwaukee Art Museum, as seen from the S/V Denis Sullivan
Milwaukee's windy "big sky-ness" completely engulfed me, rising up from between the boxlike edifices with their glimmering reflective windows, further enhancing the atmosphere. Even on the overcast days, I basked in the openness of the city, which gave me untold permission to lift my head upwards and appreciate the architecture, the animated denim hanging from lampposts, the colorful street art. and many riverviews. I did not feel claustrophobic here.


Looking beyond your destination desires.

WITS17 Purpose-Driven Travel Panel Presentation
When you have a heart and a will turned towards giving back and lessening the impact of one's footprint wherever you land, this concept will naturally come up. Know that there are other ways to engage with the place you seek to be. If you are at all concerned about sustainable communities within the beautiful and intriguing places you visit for a short while, consider that you can (and should) look beyond your tourist interests and think critically about the effect it has on the communities that you travel to. Yes, travel has a political impact as much as it has environmental and social ones that affect the destination as much as if not more than you, the visitor. Keep abreast of local news and happenings, for your safety and as a quick etiquette check. I listened to the stories from the residents about food deserts giving rise to the historic revitalization of urban farming, and of socially conscious muralists creating controversial works that spark necessary dialogue about the origins and future of incarceration of their  fellow citizens. These stories will stay with me as much as the pictures will.

As soon as I learned that Milwaukee was a "walkable city", I was excited, being a perpetual pedestrian in New York City, and always fascinated and ready to engage any other locale that boasts even a minute capacity for public transportation (see my hi-larious account of the L.A.-to-Irvine experience via bus for WITS16!). Which brings me full-circle back to that last ride out of the city. I have always had the most interesting conversations with strangers passing on a train (or bus), and have even made years-long friendships this way. I gave that woman my card, and I truly hope that this post and many others I write would inspire her to go wherever she wants to, and encourage others to love her city and its people more.
Black Cat Alley

Thursday, January 5, 2017

Writing Gauntlet: 500 Words, 31 Days: Goals

Happy New Year, World. We survived, we thrived. And here I am committing to writing 500 words a day for the next 31 days. Woo-hoo! I suffer from too much prep and not enough step. This is a self-diagnosis, and as such, is subjective at best in its scope of analysis. Writer's Block is something that many of us have dealt with from time to time, and for an unfortunate few, it stymies their creative product for long stretches of time; months, years, even.

I am a bit stubborn, though, and since it is the first art and creative outlet that I took to at a young age, it is a combination of cathartic therapy as well as confounding instrument I am doggedly determined to hone and perfect. That and singing.

I've done a 31- Day challenge before in this blog, several years ago, so it seems fitting that at the beginning of my new 7-year cycle, at the renewal of it all, I embark upon such a necessary journey again.

My goals are: to delve deeper into topics that have been swirling around my head or capture the most poignant part of a recent discussion with a friend or acquaintance. I want to highlight personal endeavors and their progress, and be accountable to my friends, fellow writing colleagues, and even a few family members that may take an interest in this production.

I am doing this alongside daily study and research, and brand-building exercises that will hopefully culminate in the launch of my own website and domain (there, I finally said it!).

Another transition that I am going through is already about a month underway. I resigned from my position of the past three years on December 7th, and am actively looking for work. That’s not to say that I am unemployed and have nothing to do all day (obviously), oh no. I may have more free time for a while to pursue several objectives, but I am busy. I am occupied. I am positively swamped.

A vision board is definitely on the agenda, and a few life- and goal-affirming women’s retreats. I am a habitual list-maker and hope to one day publish some of the more memorable ones, but I feel that making a shift to a more visual (and audio) manifestation of what I am and will continue to accomplish this year is a personal project of mine.

Each day I will pick a topic from a question posed to me or that I have. I will try my best to stay on topic as it pertains to personal journeys, independent travel, being a Black woman in her mid-thirties, and being a bit of a curious nerd about life in general.


I am also going to push my comfort zone more in the pursuit of romance (what in the world am I getting myself into?!) and saying “yes” more often than no. I won’t find myself in a happy and healthy partnership if I don’t make myself available (mentally, financially, emotionally, etc.), right? Bring on the charming men! I’ve been on a few dates already for the year, and I must say that it is a significant challenge for me to decide who to swipe right on. The internal conversation always involves an assessment of my flight of fancy, how superficial my motivation is (hotness factor over substance as presented in a limited and somewhat contrived online profile), and whether I am just being experimental or genuine with a particular candidate. There, over 500 for the day. I feel sick, and lighter at the same time!

Monday, December 12, 2016

The Gospel of The Unbothered


It has been along and eventful four months, y'all.

Several eras have ended and trials hung. The world as we know it is on the verge of anarchy or renaissaince, depending on whom you converse with. Seven years is a mighty long time to have come around to the spot where I now find myself.

Much can be said about the meme above that a Facebook friend so lovingly fashioned from a photo my cousin so artfully took of me. Some sayings that come to mind are: "No me molesta", #worryaboutyoself, "Next".

I'll tell you this: I said at the beginning of 2016 that it would be a #yearoftravel, and that I would not see the year end in my current field of work. Done and done.

 I am proud to say that last Wednesday was my final day at my place of employment for the past three years. I learned a lot at that job: how (and when) to ask for what I want without fear, because I know how valuable I am and what I deserve; how to make managerial procedures for those that will come after me (basically leave things better than I met them); how to be assertive in the face of micromanagement; how to deliver for clients with my head held high, with confident resolve twinkling in my eye; how to know when it is time to have difficult talks; how to be patient. Oh, Goddess, how to be patient!

I left friends there, people I intend to keep in contact with and meet again in a more relaxed and honest environment. I don't like to burn bridges, and understand the supreme value of making and maintaining connections.

Regardless of what specific events capitalutated me to the decision I made to leave, the general idea I had upon entering my last job was that it would be temporary, not a career, but a goal post of sorts. Life always has other plans for us, of course, and every now and then requires us to be honest and self-reflective about the choice we have and will make, especially as it pertains directly to our well-being, mental, physical and economic futures. Its that "adulting" thing that keeps popping up in various forms.

To recap a bit:
1- I went to my first Caribbean island (for more than a layover transfer) in January, even survived being stranded an extra two days with my sister, and learned the value, generosity, and resourcefulness of the #familybychoice Tribe. Thank you Nomadness! Thank you bestie!
2- I won tickets through application for and in support of She's Wanderful, making it for the second year in a row to the WITS (Women In Travel) 2016 conference in Irvine, California in March. I figured out how to get around in a vast and convoluted (read: Not pedestrian-friendly) set of transportation systems between Los Angeles and that city, meeting some great ladies via carpool. I made the commitment then and there to make sure that I can stay involved with this group, and will be going to the WITS 2017 conference in Milwaukee, whatever it takes.
3- Through friendship and targeted determination, I placed myself in the midst of a destination wedding (my first ever) with a group of flight attendants in Antigua, Guatemala in April. We shared lovely rooms at a villa, swatted mosquitoes, bartered with colorfully dressed women in the town square, shared meals and witnessed love amid ancient ruins. We also climbed a live volcano that last erupted in 2014. I have never felt so welcome amongst a group of virtual strangers that I still connect to months later!
4- July was a brief yet satisfying jaunt up north to Montreal, to see my cousin and her growing family, to ride the city on its superb bicycle lanes, zone out in a Scandinavian Spa, and to take in some jazz music at the annual festival. I also scored a flight voucher for a return visit, through fortuitous circumstances (getting really good at this travel game).
5- I started delving into my music and singing project that has long been ignored, being more acclimated to raising my voice in the bowels of the New York City subway, and open to connecting with people that want to collaborate, and create. I'm that much closer to having a finished piece that I composed, arranged, wrote and sang myself!
6- I let myself say yes more. I was more open to crazy possibilities, and am currently reaping the rewards of that courage and resolve. Thank you, Kenna for the influence of #YearofYesManifest, and Catrice for being a consistent guiding light in unleashing my own significance!
7- I refuse to let other people put the fear of the unknown in front of my dreams any more. This has come from well-meaning friends, relatives, even people I've just been introduced to who have their set opinions wrapped around them in a comfortable cloak of authority and experience with the familiar. They don't live my life. They have not made my sacrifices and deferrals, and they won't have to face the consequences of regret. #worryaboutyourself.

The point of all this is to say that as many things that have gone wrong this year, that I, myself and so many others would love to press a "redo" button, or black out this whole year from their personal history accounts, I have much to be thankful for and excited about.

I am reaching out into unknown territory, and finding my voice is not as rusty as I thought, my wit is still sharp and focused, my resolve, thought latent for so long, is as stubborn as ever. My imagination and creative spirit has not deserted me under fluorescent lighting. I can still run and lift weights with my back and hips the way they are, and I still got the rhythm of my ancestors (20% Dahomey, #blackamazonian, indeed!).

I am #unbothered and I am #seldom_settled. Bring it, 2017!

Tuesday, August 9, 2016

In The Heat Of The Moment: Anniversary Post

So today marks my 26th year as a diarist/chronic writer, what-have-you. I blame/credit Harriet The Spy, Judy Blume, The Baby-Sitter's Club, and even Anne Frank (may her soul rest in power). So began my journey into the world of private thoughts becoming public. I was ahead of the curve, as were many eight-year-old girls; waaaaay before Twitter or Facebook or Instagram, it was the black and white Composition Notebook and a school assignment that got me hip to the game!

Being a writer of thoughts, a learner of words and a contributor to languages is a great honor and privilege that I am grateful has never left me. I've had some serious writer's block and several moments of doubt and indecisiveness, but I feel blessed to have reached this point, really.

I am excited about where this development will take me, because so far I've been to Australia, Switzerland, Guatemala, California, The South American Jungle (and River Systems), and even survived countless Greyhound rides, lol! My #2016yearoftravel is far from over, and I will certainly continue to take you all with me, beyond this year!

So this August, I've decided, rather suddenly, to reward others for their support and commitment as my readers, my friends, and my present and future collaborators. Quizzes and gifts are in order, so stay tuned and keep reading!

I've done a few things I'd consider "big", but bigger and better is coming. Smarter and more focused is in the works. Unapologetic is already here.

Happy Anniversary to me (and to You)!
#singteachwritefly

Monday, June 20, 2016

Riding the Metal Horse: When to Cede Territory... and Why Not

This is the last full workday before Summer officially starts (at 6:34 p.m.). In New York City, every seasoned traveler and resident knows that as soon as the temperature climbs past 75 degrees consistently, all the ignorance and "lawlessness" exponentially increases. This will happen on your block, in your apartment building, on the subway platforms, and very likely in the trains and buses we all have to ride to get around. That is a lot of extra pressure and exposure to potential trauma and anxiety as an often Lone Woman Traveler.

I don't do Public Service Announcements (PSAs) often on my blog. They find themselves here incidentally, and usually for good reason. My fifth blog post ever during the Summer of 2011 could be considered a PSA, on a similar topic: public harassment. Imagine the irony of deciding to dress somewhat revealingly; getting on a bus AND train for an hour and a half to participate in a celebration of summer, weirdness, creativity, pride and magic with other like-minded people one day- with no fear or trepidation of the public- then having to experience a degrading and isolating incident using the same transportation system 24 hours later, fully dressed, with witnesses that did nothing?!

Let me be clear, this post is not aimed at the people who did not speak up or intervene or my or my fellow black female passengers' behalf. The fact that no one did anything does help to illustrate the event that took place, however. The main message (or moral) of this story is the importance of being aware, resilient, and proactive in order to have the best possible agency in how we interact with our environment. None of us can control every aspect of our days, and we certainly cannot hope to always control and police others.

As much as I want to believe that law enforcement is present and willing to serve and protect all of its citizens, they are often spread thin, and their priorities do not line up with mine. Autonomy and agency are real, however, and one of the benefits of Social Media is the agency it gives everyday citizens to be responsible, be decent, be advocates for themselves as well as fellow strangers, in real time or faster than the systems in place provide.

Word-for-word, here goes...

On Sunday, June 19, 2016 approximately 3:15 p.m.: 
I don't normally cuss on my own timeline. But shit just got really real thirty minutes ago. I am on the A train heading north from Brooklyn. There is a moderate amount of people on the train, and I am sitting in the corner next to a door in a 3-seater. 

I have my headphones in and my shades on. But I can hear enough to know that there is a man with a booming voice panhandling and making his way through the semi-crowded train to the end where I am. Nbd. But when he gets to the last set of doors where I am, he stops and mumbles loudly, the decides to stand at the pole less than three feet from me, and start fondling his junk. He has a smell that is not powerful enough to make me leave, but enough to concern me about his sobriety. Not swaying or raving, mostly quiet, except for this pronounced personal hand job. 

He leans back against the doors across from me and stares hard in my direction, where three other black women are sitting, one black man with his sleeping son, and another man. I have been fanning myself and looking just past his probing eyes for the past ten minutes of this, even though my insides are starting to shake. 

Then he decides to sit down directly across from me. Nbd. Maybe he's done showing off and is gonna be civil. He then tries to engage the woman sitting in the 3-seater two seats down from him, his manspreading so pronounced that no one would be encouraged to sit between them. She has her headphones on, and closes her eyes, but every few seconds, she opens them again and sneaks a side eye to her right, where his eyes meet her every time he's not staring one of us down. Then he starts licking his lips really slow. 

And when the train stops, he gets up and walks over to the other two women seated next to me and swings his arms right inches from their faces. I know he's trying to engage them by asking for money. I hear no response back, so I believe they just shook their heads. 

The tension was painful. I was starting to hyperventilate quietly, which is humanly impossible when you are holding your breath. 

I could have gotten up and moved to another place, and after he finally left, the other women and I commiserated about thinking the exact same thing. We would have signaled each other to move as one unit. Even calling out to our newfound "girlfriend", so as to not leave anyone behind. My hands shake as I write this because the reality of how we were all feeling the same chill on our skin, the same adrenaline rush when he got off the train, but STAYED ON THE PLATFORM as train delays stalled us... 

The doors closed. He was saying, "... I was just kidding you're so beautiful" and I can see him. SEE HIM finishing off what he started in his pants when he was on the train. 

Now he's pressed up against the glass. Staring at us, and this damn train will not leave. I started praying that the door would not reopen for an approaching train.... 

THIS is when thoughts go through ones head about that knife someone suggested I carry. 

THIS is when I reevaluate the relevance of my outfit, the time of day (3:19pm), the relative crowd (mostly non-black, except for our "happy little corner", and realize that it didn't matter. If this 6'9" 270lb man wanted to snatch that woman by her hair, it could have happened in an instant, even as we all unfroze ourselves and tried to vacate the area. 

It was not (yesterday's) Mermaid Parade, everyone had their clothes on. 

Other MEN were sitting diagonally across and laughed at his antics until he started masturbating, then they got quiet and looked away. IT DID NOT MATTER. I should not have to fear for myself nor my fellow female passengers on the train. I should not have to breathe slowly to stop what I feel is tachycardia and miss an event I'm looking forward to because I have to process what ‪#‎dafuq‬ just happened, but here I am. 

I'm replaying thoughts of violence, what he might have done next, what I, or we would have done. A sisterhood did form then. I got one of their numbers, and we are both sharing this on social media. It just reminds me again about being vigilant, alert, considerate, and willing to take someone with me to safety, or so help me, out as I'm going down. *EndRant ‪#‎subway‬ ‪#‎assault‬ ‪#‎liftup‬ ‪#‎seldom_settled‬

Street harassment is real and should not be tolerated. Public transit harassment is real and should not be tolerated. Sometimes getting up and walking away is not the solution. Wearing more clothes is not always the remedy or prevention that saves individuals or groups of women from attacks in public.



I'm not saying we should all try to be the hero and fall on swords to vanquish on behalf of ladies in distress. But we can be a Shero (as I align myself with this gender-inclusive definition), and not leave any woman to fend for herself whilst she decides to autonomously stand her ground and claim her rightful space. Stand up, or sit down. Do not cede territory.

There is strength in numbers, there is safety when more eyes are watching, but also when more hands are willing and able, when voices are raised in a common sense of decency and support. When the mindsets are aligned, quietly, but with enough will that lends a palpable resistance to the tension when riding the Metal Horse. A Lone Woman need not always feel Alone. #facts



P.S.: This is MY space, so no, you will not see the picture that I took of the offending party here. But rest assured, the police will. #hollaback will.

Wednesday, May 25, 2016

Will Travel 4 Books: Origin Story


I love books and I love to read. Anyone that knows me knows this, but perhaps not to what degree this fact resonates. In November of 2015, I began manifesting what would ultimately become my #2016yearoftravel endeavor. Truth be told, a lot of reading was involved as well: Travel+Leisure magazine; my whole swag bag from the January New York Times Travel Show; and several blogs and newspaper articles highlighting all the places one may want to go, and the smartest ways to take advantage. It has been a process that included learning the best times to book a flight; the fine art of stalking a myriad of travel and airline websites; and an overall loosening up of my understanding of where I can travel, and when.



 I've been surrounding myself with super-savvy, quirky and well-travelled men and women who are doing what I want to do and have gone where I intend to go. I have to play it smart, because, until further notice, I have TEN vacation days to spend. Ten.

To briefly reminisce on my lightbulb moment, last year I finally said to myself, "Hey, I can do this!" leveraging the swiftness of my typing skills against an ambitious 2-day JetBlue Halloween flight sale. Sure enough, I found my inspiration earlier when someone in the Nomadness Travel Tribe posted about the Stony Island Arts Bank, a reclaimed building bought for $1 by an enterprising Black artist, Theaster Gates. Yes, bought for a song to preserve the architecture and history of the facility, now serving to house and promote the words and study of several thousand authors and topics of The African Diaspora. I had to go, and JetBlue was making it a $31 one-way special!











It had been a long time since I travelled for books. Fourteen years ago, my academic and adventurous spirit took me to Australia for a semester. Being an opportunistic lass, I tacked on an extra three days outbound and on the return, to get a little taste of the West Coast. I visited the UCLA campus during their annual book fair and had the pleasure of meeting science fiction author Ray Bradbury on the very campus where he wrote Fahrenheit 451 in Powell Library. Many truths converged at that time: 1- I knew that I would travel for books again; 2- there were authors that I wanted to meet before they left this earth, and, most importantly, 3- I would see the creation of a mobile library among my personal and professional achievements. I brought back books from Australia. On the plane. as extra weight. This is serious for me!





My collection of books is beyond logic. They have survived several moves across three New York City boroughs (no small feat!), and even four years out in the salty sandy Southampton town. Some are older than me, and hail from the United Kingdom, France and parts of the Caribbean. 

The travel guidebook collection began when I was a teenager and visited Tower Records in Union Square. I was happiest there, reveling in the access to listening stations for every genre of music I cared to indulge in, steps away from their eclectic mix of reading material. Almost inexplicably, there were the travel guidebooks, allowing me a very tangible first experience to other cultures, steps away from the World music section! I could cross-reference my Putumayo with my Rough Guide, almost like an audio passport, a currency easily stackable in my growing library, as well. 
One other mesmerizing trait of travel books is their ability to capture a part of the world at a specific point in time. One can ready any work of literature from around the world to catch a glimpse of the times the author lived in, but a travel guide speaks just as directly in its cataloging of what to see and do in a particular place. They may even expound upon the whys of travel, if they are really caring of their audience (those of us that read beyond the words to what is not being said have even more context for consideration). The famous Negro Motorist Green Book published from 1936-1966 gained its readership in publicizing not only safe routes for the intrepid African American traveler, but also establishments that were likely to cater to him or her in business on the road, lodging, dining,  and entertainment.

I got out there because of books, reading, and ultimately putting my own pen to paper and finger to keyboard. It started when I was three years old, and I still have a lovingly preserved yellowed dot-matrix printout of my first tale to prove it. 

À la LeVar Burton via Reading Rainbow, I offer another seminal work credited with the development of my adventurous reading and traveling spirit: Black Girl in Paris by Shay YoungbloodI stumbled into this novel as a young college student either on my way to or returning back from Australia, and the timing was ideal. She was a fish out of water in mid-1980s Paris. American Black female, artsy and alone. I was able to dream and see myself taking on the scary and oftentimes dubious mission of doing my version of discovery through travel several times over, each new location and circumstance rendering an authentic epiphany in the process. 

Books and writing are intrinsically linked for me, and the sharing of literature that motivates a girl to see beyond her perceived borders would well justify the quirkiness I've fostered for over 30 years. Stay tuned for the next chapter! #willtravel4books




Note: This post is dedicated to the wondrous memory of our soon-departed P.S. Bookshop in Dumbo, Brooklyn. Thank you, I love you, we all love you!

Wednesday, May 4, 2016

Reflection Piece: Confidence

Funny story, I was recently talking with my sister about a joint venture that involved an upcoming singing audition. We were trying to identify some good songs to sing that would showcase our full range of vocals, from Soprano to Alto, respectively. 

We found ourselves searching out the group we were auditioning for and seeing what they had to offer, just to gauge where we fit in with the group dynamic Our impression of the vocals was a bit shocked: by comparison to our own perceived talents, they seemed less than expected for a group that has a website, accolades attached to their individual profiles, and yet they obviously have more public exposure than either of us. The conclusion was that confidence is a major asset and inspiration. I could choose to be negative and down-talking about this group, but instead, I choose to see an opportunity where I can add my own talent and spirit to help them soar if my audition is a success. Maybe we are a good fit, maybe not. I won't let it make or break me. 

Now, full disclosure, in the past two weeks I'd taken to singing songs from my old iPod Nano in various subway stations. This was partly to blow off steam from work, and also maybe not a little bit of vocal daydreaming about "being discovered". A passive approach, I admit, but it's complicated. I cannot help it: the need for an outlet that is free, raw, random, and immediately gives me feedback makes subway platforms ideal. Never mind that by the time I wait for the perfect interval between train arrivals, I've used three hours of my life after a long eight-hour shift. I feel like I accomplished something. One guy even pressed a $5 bill into my hand before escaping onto the departing train before I could protest.... so now I'm a busker (?). I could not believe the Lincoln in my hand.

I have no qualms about getting on a plane and flying across the country or the world. I would promote anyone getting out of their neighborhood and going somewhere new, for any amount of time! But my own confidence has had its highs and lows. Like many young women, the low moments threaten to derail a lot of my ambition to seek out opportunities, sing out loud, and even plan the next adventure. It's times like these that I take a step back and do a reflection piece, re-visit the resume, organize another mission statement, or talk with a friend with similar achievement goals.

The bottom line is, perhaps now is the time to seriously consider a more practical and focused plan of action to get over my singing ambivalence. Here's a door that I haven't quite knocked on in a while, and I have a feeling that it might take me on yet another exciting journey.


It's true, I prefer to be behind the camera, to write about others, but with this blog, I find that my face, words and voice has developed. Besides the will to travel, to move, and explore other ends of the earth, it's obvious to me (and my growing transit audience, video yet to be released!) that I need/want to raise my voice and have others enjoy it. I share with you, my readers, to encourage anyone that may feel they aren't at that point in their lives yet to break free of a monotonous pattern, or who may want to see something they can identify with doing, or go beyond their own personal borders in thought or place. 
#notetoself
#singteachwritefly