Monday, July 16, 2012

Day 14: Redesign Your Day, Designing for Life

So it occurred to me that I could use a little more planning and self-direction in order to pull myself out of the rut I am in. Granted, I know a lot of the things I have to do, I just procrastinate and then wring my hands right up to the minute of reckoning. Obviously not a sustainable way of handling things. Part of it, I know is the inherent panic that wells up when confronting the amount of money I owe various entities, and the sadness of my small paycheck, the feeling of being very stuck and unable to see a constructive solution. It even costs money to save money, apparently!

The day was a bit of a rollercoaster. It was my first day back to worksince my surgery, and I felt determined to not let things stress me out, since I am still on pain meds and am weakened from not being able to eat my regular caloric count. I hit it fast in terms of sticking to my time goals, and started making calls whenever I had a moment. Of course, I have been fighting the urge to just flat out resign since being off this past week. In the beginning of July, I heard a voice in my head that said this Happy Black Woman may just walk away from this deadend gig by the end of the summer if I really succeed with these daily challenges. It's like I know that the only sensible end solution for this journey is to totally face my fear of perpetual unemployment in order to save my creative and innovative soul!

I must really pat myself on the shoulder today. I worked on developing a clearer vision for my objectives, and decided that any time I am online should be in pursuit of order in my life, whether that is through innovative ideas, concentrated job searching or self-education. I may be embarking on my greatest challenge yet- investing with faith.  There is a former schoolmate from my high school major class who is an emerging fashion designer. She just earned a spot in NYC's next Fashion Week in September, and I am determined to be there to document, through journalism, photography and any other way that I can, her rise to recognition. I feel very giddily ambitious about this for some reason. Her fashion style is mesmerizing and refreshing, not only because she develops from a Muslim modesty background, but that it effortlessly transcends just that world and legitimately appeals to a wider audience, with the grace and confidence as it were always just so.  Invigorating! I think I want to be a sponsor for her, which is a daunting task, figuring out how to raise $1500 in two months or less, but I must find a way! 

My resolve to redesign my day starts with getting my ass to bed by 11:30 latest, and getting up by 6:30 or whenever my body says ari:se earlier (like my 5:45 Freaky Friday)! I will also put more effort into planning out my outfits and packing my purse the night before. If possible, I will even put some lunch away tonight. I have found that setting a purpose in my head as I lay down to sleep gives me a kind of dreaming agenda that usually stays with me until the morning, a vital aspect of keeping me on point. I will still allow myself an hour or so of mindless reading or watching, but I will definitely keep that in check with the undercurrent of urgency that I won't let myself deny anymore.

1 comment:

  1. Hey lady there are tons of online programs out there to raise money for various cause. Kickstarter is one of them that I can think of. Google (yes as in the verb) online programs to raise funds and see what comes up. Your friend may have something already in place so check that out too and if she does maybe she can make you an admin or something for the campaign. Don't forget to make the most of social media when spreading the word!