Reflection Piece: Confidence

Funny story, I was recently talking with my sister about a joint venture that involved an upcoming singing audition. We were trying to identify some good songs to sing that would showcase our full range of vocals, from Soprano to Alto, respectively. 

We found ourselves searching out the group we were auditioning for and seeing what they had to offer, just to gauge where we fit in with the group dynamic Our impression of the vocals was a bit shocked: by comparison to our own perceived talents, they seemed less than expected for a group that has a website, accolades attached to their individual profiles, and yet they obviously have more public exposure than either of us. The conclusion was that confidence is a major asset and inspiration. I could choose to be negative and down-talking about this group, but instead, I choose to see an opportunity where I can add my own talent and spirit to help them soar if my audition is a success. Maybe we are a good fit, maybe not. I won't let it make or break me. 

Now, full disclosure, in the past two weeks I'd taken to singing songs from my old iPod Nano in various subway stations. This was partly to blow off steam from work, and also maybe not a little bit of vocal daydreaming about "being discovered". A passive approach, I admit, but it's complicated. I cannot help it: the need for an outlet that is free, raw, random, and immediately gives me feedback makes subway platforms ideal. Never mind that by the time I wait for the perfect interval between train arrivals, I've used three hours of my life after a long eight-hour shift. I feel like I accomplished something. One guy even pressed a $5 bill into my hand before escaping onto the departing train before I could protest.... so now I'm a busker (?). I could not believe the Lincoln in my hand.

I have no qualms about getting on a plane and flying across the country or the world. I would promote anyone getting out of their neighborhood and going somewhere new, for any amount of time! But my own confidence has had its highs and lows. Like many young women, the low moments threaten to derail a lot of my ambition to seek out opportunities, sing out loud, and even plan the next adventure. It's times like these that I take a step back and do a reflection piece, re-visit the resume, organize another mission statement, or talk with a friend with similar achievement goals.

The bottom line is, perhaps now is the time to seriously consider a more practical and focused plan of action to get over my singing ambivalence. Here's a door that I haven't quite knocked on in a while, and I have a feeling that it might take me on yet another exciting journey.

It's true, I prefer to be behind the camera, to write about others, but with this blog, I find that my face, words and voice has developed. Besides the will to travel, to move, and explore other ends of the earth, it's obvious to me (and my growing transit audience, video yet to be released!) that I need/want to raise my voice and have others enjoy it. I share with you, my readers, to encourage anyone that may feel they aren't at that point in their lives yet to break free of a monotonous pattern, or who may want to see something they can identify with doing, or go beyond their own personal borders in thought or place. 

#notetoself

#singteachwritefly

When It Rains It Surely Pours... Thoughts on SHE Summit, Same Sky and The Athena Phenomenon- Part 2

My epiphany came to me in the hazy interface of sleep and wake this morning, as I turned over and gently pressed the "on" button to my waking thoughts.

I am happiest when:
I am engaged in some doable (note: NOT All-Consuming) project,
I have thought-provoking and mentally/physically involving events to attend,
I have caught up with all the people I wanted to check in with,
I am singing (@overture.me, props to Jared and Jason for bringing that one to the surface!),
I have reading material, in the form of great web and print-based articles, a recommended book or two, even an unexpected handwritten card or letter, and
When my creative side has been stroked and encouraged to make a therapeutic reemergence.

The second day of SHE Summit seemed to be about 50% less attendance, but this in no way diminished the buzz, the echoes of excited and engaged women (and a few men) talking. The community-driven spirit of the event was palpable.

Day 2 was all about Women Investing in Women; Women & Media Consciousness; Women & Science; Mentorship and Sponsorship; Return on Investment (Self-Care & Wellness); and Success Stories from working Moms. Every topic was exciting and eye-opening in how the panelists highlighted the issues, related their own personal anecdotes to the audience, and promoted themselves and other women confidently. They were real women (mostly white, a few of color, but I'm not hating, just relating) of different ages, backgrounds, sizes and perspectives. Some, like the triumphant Cindy Gallop, had an awesome stage presence, her voice peppered with passion when she spoke. I wrote and tweeted so many of her quotes  that my carpal tunnel started acting up! By far, the one I want to repeat and re-read over and over again was, "There is a huge amount of money to be made by taking women seriously", which she said during a discussion about how women are represented by the almost 97% of male ad creators in the United States. According to Ms. Gallop who totally makes me want to get back on my gallant horse of life, pun intended!), women are the majority users of social media (I'm talking to you, Lady LittleFoot!), and they influence 90% of technology sales (whether they are used to sell them to other women or not, I presume). Another spot-on thing she said was " we are constantly played back to ourselves through the male gaze". Boom. There it is.

I really appreciated learning about John Gerzema yesterday, although I didn't get to attend his conversation because I was volunteering at the registration desk, I did chat him up when he was leaving and got him to sign a copy of his book, The Athena Doctrine. What I overheard got me excited, because he highlights the value of so-called feminine traits in leadership around the world, with clear statistics. He even went as far as to say that these are areas that men could and should adopt in order to be more effective as co-leaders with women in The World of Right Now and Tomorrow.

It's so funny because all last year I had purposed to design and achieve another meaningful tattoo to commemorate my 30th birthday and reflect on life since I was 20 years old studying in Australia. I didn't get it (yet), just like I didn't start locking my hair, another endeavor re-evaluated for strength of purpose. But, just being at this conference, making the decisions that I made in the past two weeks and the past three months at this new job have affirmed what I knew last year. The image that I couldn't get out of my head when I thought about it was a woman pulling back a bow an arrow, placed right on my left shoulder blade. I wanted to incorporate not just Athena, Goddess of Craft and Wisdom, but also Nzinga, Warrior Queen of Matamba.

Tattoos and Dreads, you say... what kind of girl is this? Well, let me be one to say that both of these forms of physical self-expression are older than the internet, and have long been part of my ancestral heritage, as well as about 95% of human beings anywhere on this globe, in some form or other. This is not a hard statistic, and is mostly based on my own travels, conversations and literary investigations. I have my reserved, slightly conservative side, and I have my creative, expressive and open-minded self inhabiting the same body. My Body. My Mind to expand and share with others, my Lips to speak positively and supportively, defensively and with confident authority or even with a measured rebuke, if so warranted.

All of this, and I still want to be a U.S. Diplomat, so help me. MA and I have both signed up to take the FSOT in October, me my third time will be a charm!

Some quotes from the SHE Summit:

"We need new role models of what masculinity is, there is a global crisis of masculinity"

"End the backlog of untested rape kits in the U.S.- 400,000, The Human Rights Watch says it is the biggest violation to American women"- Julie Smolyanski, CEO & Director of Lifeway Foods

"Only 2 cents of every development dollar goes to girls"- Maz Kessler, Catapult

"People assume that the U.S. is investing in girls... we give more money to animal causes"- Ruma Bose, Innovator's Fund Partner

"There are times when pushing the women's story is problematic... you have to get men interested"- Carol Hymowitz, Bloomberg Editor-at-Large

"Women challenge the status quo because we are never IT"- Cindy Gallop, CEO IfWeRanTheWorld

"If we inspire the next generation to become scientists, some will practice hard science...the rest will practice the scientific method, so everyone wins"- Rita J. King, EVP for Business Development @ Science House Foundation
"Instead of asking for an opportunity, tell someone what you can do for them...amplify your own ability to succeed by connecting:- Rita J. King


On Mentorship vs. Sponsorship:

"The Godfather Principle...If you only associate with people on your level, you are doing yourself a disservice"

"Lead by giving; be indispensable; create goodwill to make someone want to take an interest in you; take the initiative"

"We need to stop judging each other, because we are holding each other back with reinforcing perceptions"- Caroline Ghosn, Co-founder & CEO Levo Lounge

"Take B Vitamins to lower your carb cravings!"

"A man is not a financial plan...the lizard brain we have...that someone will be there to take care of us" Manisha Thakor, Founder & CEO Moneyzen Wealth Management


And for the ever-learning writer in all of us, a matter of contention to be cleared up...semicolon versus colon!

An Anniversary

I never thought that I would reach such momentous occasion. The 22nd anniversary of my venture into the world or journalling, journalism, list-making and poetry. Truth be told I still have my very first "published work", a pristinely preserved dot-matrix-bordered four-line printout of a once-upon-a-time I created in my 1st grade computer class. I actually can lean beack in a chair and recreate the bluescreen and the largeness of the computer and desk....

Some thing can never be taken away from you.

I also received my FutureMe letter from the 31 Day Reset Challenge, and I am happy to not be a disappointment to my past self. I have connected with my dearly beloved Accountbility Partner, cousin DADS, and she will impart her wisdom and tough love on me on Saturday.

In spite of the lethargy-inducing heat, I have worked my ass up and gone running more mornings than I thought possible (and will do again when the humidity stays down more often), and I even activated my monthly gym membership to put some quality time into a swimming pool. So far so good, although my aim is at least three days a week. My singing group is developing our repertoire for our October debut at a Pratt radio show, and I just ran into another music producer/DJ who is making me really consider my position as a musicmaker... a title that I never actually owned before.

And I will find my way out of this job, dammit! I will realize my dream of travel and exploration.

In general, I am at a place that is not so uncomfortable any more, and promises to generate even more sooner than I may think. I really believe a lot of the funk I was in was fear of the hardest first steps towards whatevergoal I may have. Facing my demons, being told something I don't want to hear from someone when I aleeady know it to be true, being told "no" one more time....

I will continue to be inspired by others, and take the baby steps towards these leaps of faith as they come.