Reflection Piece: Confidence

Funny story, I was recently talking with my sister about a joint venture that involved an upcoming singing audition. We were trying to identify some good songs to sing that would showcase our full range of vocals, from Soprano to Alto, respectively. 

We found ourselves searching out the group we were auditioning for and seeing what they had to offer, just to gauge where we fit in with the group dynamic Our impression of the vocals was a bit shocked: by comparison to our own perceived talents, they seemed less than expected for a group that has a website, accolades attached to their individual profiles, and yet they obviously have more public exposure than either of us. The conclusion was that confidence is a major asset and inspiration. I could choose to be negative and down-talking about this group, but instead, I choose to see an opportunity where I can add my own talent and spirit to help them soar if my audition is a success. Maybe we are a good fit, maybe not. I won't let it make or break me. 

Now, full disclosure, in the past two weeks I'd taken to singing songs from my old iPod Nano in various subway stations. This was partly to blow off steam from work, and also maybe not a little bit of vocal daydreaming about "being discovered". A passive approach, I admit, but it's complicated. I cannot help it: the need for an outlet that is free, raw, random, and immediately gives me feedback makes subway platforms ideal. Never mind that by the time I wait for the perfect interval between train arrivals, I've used three hours of my life after a long eight-hour shift. I feel like I accomplished something. One guy even pressed a $5 bill into my hand before escaping onto the departing train before I could protest.... so now I'm a busker (?). I could not believe the Lincoln in my hand.

I have no qualms about getting on a plane and flying across the country or the world. I would promote anyone getting out of their neighborhood and going somewhere new, for any amount of time! But my own confidence has had its highs and lows. Like many young women, the low moments threaten to derail a lot of my ambition to seek out opportunities, sing out loud, and even plan the next adventure. It's times like these that I take a step back and do a reflection piece, re-visit the resume, organize another mission statement, or talk with a friend with similar achievement goals.

The bottom line is, perhaps now is the time to seriously consider a more practical and focused plan of action to get over my singing ambivalence. Here's a door that I haven't quite knocked on in a while, and I have a feeling that it might take me on yet another exciting journey.

It's true, I prefer to be behind the camera, to write about others, but with this blog, I find that my face, words and voice has developed. Besides the will to travel, to move, and explore other ends of the earth, it's obvious to me (and my growing transit audience, video yet to be released!) that I need/want to raise my voice and have others enjoy it. I share with you, my readers, to encourage anyone that may feel they aren't at that point in their lives yet to break free of a monotonous pattern, or who may want to see something they can identify with doing, or go beyond their own personal borders in thought or place. 

#notetoself

#singteachwritefly

Training Days

Got a late start today, but I made my way to the central office of the Organizing Obama Campaign in NYC. My night was sorely interrupted by the loud pitiful cries of my neighbor's dog, who apparently spent the large part of the night outside of her shed. And I have reason to believe she was tied up outside, because even though the shed door was wide open, she was crying under my window, even when it started pouring two hours into our ordeal! I was so mad at 5am that I called 311 and left a message with ASPCA.

After oversleeping to compensate, I packed up my laptop and headed out to the midtown west office. It definitely is a workstation, with open space for chairs to be put in any necessary team formation, small desks manned by youthful and energetic staff and volunteers, and conference and office rooms along the far wall that alternated having their doors wide opened and closed for individual interviews with upper Field Organizers. It was exciting and a little bewildering to figure out what started when and who to report to or gain information from, but after a while of sitting around, I was given my directives for the day- learn VoteBuilder, the Democratic Party's database, and start entering call logs! I have worked with many databases before, so it did not take me long to get in the flow of this one (take that, resume!). My timing was off to perticipate in the voter registration training, but I have a general idea that that will take some more time. I think that since logistically I decided going to Virginia or Ohio for the next two months wouldn't really work with my budget plan, I will throw myself into a part-time fellows position, where I still have an opportunity to excercise leadership skills while balancing my job and job-searches and singing group.

In addition, MA just sent me a Groupon for an online accelerated TESOL course that would prepare me to take the certification exam offered by Cambridge. Got it! So definitely after this election I will be working on getting my hours logged towards teaching English as a second language. Sooo, excited now. I am really stepping outside of my comfort zone with some of this volunteering, but I feel that it is what I really need to do to prove to myself that I always had it in me. What's next, world?