Wednesday, May 4, 2016

Reflection Piece: Confidence

Funny story, I was recently talking with my sister about a joint venture that involved an upcoming singing audition. We were trying to identify some good songs to sing that would showcase our full range of vocals, from Soprano to Alto, respectively. 

We found ourselves searching out the group we were auditioning for and seeing what they had to offer, just to gauge where we fit in with the group dynamic Our impression of the vocals was a bit shocked: by comparison to our own perceived talents, they seemed less than expected for a group that has a website, accolades attached to their individual profiles, and yet they obviously have more public exposure than either of us. The conclusion was that confidence is a major asset and inspiration. I could choose to be negative and down-talking about this group, but instead, I choose to see an opportunity where I can add my own talent and spirit to help them soar if my audition is a success. Maybe we are a good fit, maybe not. I won't let it make or break me. 

Now, full disclosure, in the past two weeks I'd taken to singing songs from my old iPod Nano in various subway stations. This was partly to blow off steam from work, and also maybe not a little bit of vocal daydreaming about "being discovered". A passive approach, I admit, but it's complicated. I cannot help it: the need for an outlet that is free, raw, random, and immediately gives me feedback makes subway platforms ideal. Never mind that by the time I wait for the perfect interval between train arrivals, I've used three hours of my life after a long eight-hour shift. I feel like I accomplished something. One guy even pressed a $5 bill into my hand before escaping onto the departing train before I could protest.... so now I'm a busker (?). I could not believe the Lincoln in my hand.

I have no qualms about getting on a plane and flying across the country or the world. I would promote anyone getting out of their neighborhood and going somewhere new, for any amount of time! But my own confidence has had its highs and lows. Like many young women, the low moments threaten to derail a lot of my ambition to seek out opportunities, sing out loud, and even plan the next adventure. It's times like these that I take a step back and do a reflection piece, re-visit the resume, organize another mission statement, or talk with a friend with similar achievement goals.

The bottom line is, perhaps now is the time to seriously consider a more practical and focused plan of action to get over my singing ambivalence. Here's a door that I haven't quite knocked on in a while, and I have a feeling that it might take me on yet another exciting journey.

It's true, I prefer to be behind the camera, to write about others, but with this blog, I find that my face, words and voice has developed. Besides the will to travel, to move, and explore other ends of the earth, it's obvious to me (and my growing transit audience, video yet to be released!) that I need/want to raise my voice and have others enjoy it. I share with you, my readers, to encourage anyone that may feel they aren't at that point in their lives yet to break free of a monotonous pattern, or who may want to see something they can identify with doing, or go beyond their own personal borders in thought or place. 

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