Day 16: Rest, Reflect, Comment

Ditching the TV yesterday was hilarious! We had a blackout on our block that lastes about three hours! Imagine my surprise to come home and seeing my Villeroy and Boch purple glazed hurricane lamp in use on the kitchen counter, and my old radio with batteries from a beach trip at least two years ago! Funny how certain situations bring long-agos back to the forefront.

What is the most important thing I have learned about myself this week? My ability to be resilient and tenacious, even in the face of extreme hardship, whether physical, mental, work-related or self-sabotage-related! I had surgery last monday, and am still reovering, which means alternately being forced to use my voice and my throat when I am not quite ready to and facing the painful consequences, in addition to learning about my capacity in arears I didn't think I was strong or focused enough to handle.

I have struggled with and am still struggling to find an accountability partner. I really know few people that I would trust with exposing the state of my personal finances with, and has enough self-discipline to teach me the same in a loving and constructive and consistent manner. It makes me sad but also nervous about how to address this void in my life that I know I need help in. Still looking...

My favorite exercise was definitely the ideal life narrative, where I allowed myself to dream, to not self-edit, to run away with myself  "on paper"! It was sometimes only when I actually wrote something down that I was able to identify it as a true desire of mine, something real and probably worth pursuing. Since then I have added more things in my head to that narrative, like recording some songs, writing some lyrics that go beyond my personal publishing, expand my jewelry-making skillsets and even be a part of a music/dance production again! It seems that I am now yearning for a lot of the creative endeavors I envisioned as a child but had to walk away from in following my parents' directive in academic excellence (math, sciences, things that "matter").

I hope that these insights have some validity for others that may come across this post. I am young yet, I know, but I am trying not to hold on to the regrets of "my youth", to make way for the vast expanse of possibility of my future.

Day 8: Reset, Reflect, Comment

The Day 7 challenge was fun, creating a colorful lifemap that helps to add a visual representation of all the areas of my life that are important to me, and how I want to affect positive change in each one. I realized that I do, indeed, want to incorporate more gardening and food-based workshops and activities in my life. Didn't quite get the spring/summer garden going like I wanted to, but there's still time to plan for fall!

I also identified the need to see my sister and my niece soon. I don't like that they are so far away and I don't get to hold Little A and have her stare at me with her unnervingly calm demeanor! She's singing and talking and I need to inject my auditory influence on her! It's a no-brainer that I need a new job, but what I really want is an apprenticeship (paid of course), something that I can foster a new skillset while developing confidence in a field or area of focused creative development. I am sick of these do-as-you're-told jobs that drain my spirit and my resolve to do better with myself.

Day 8: Reset Reflect, Connect...

The most important thing I learned about myself this week was that I do have resolve and will fight for my life!

My favorite exercise was the lifemap, as mentioned above. It added a visual element with the colors and pattern, which inspired more ideas in every category.

The exercise I struggled witht the most was the Personal Mission Statement. I still don't know if I did that one correctly... It was hard hard for me to put down such a serious-minded written commitment without feeling bound to it in all its deterministic contractual presentation. It's as if I don't have the right to write one if I don't have a clear enough picture of my mission, so it ends up being this ramble instead of a clear consice statement. I see that is something I will have to keep working on. Happy Black Woman Day 8